Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
