I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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