Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
