Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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