Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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