What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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