Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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