I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
