if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
