based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
