i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
As shirtless as possible
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
