Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just gift wrapped bread.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
