everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
