I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
