I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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