I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I touched a dick in church today
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
