You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
