The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
