i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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