these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
