the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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