just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
