I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
