But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
