At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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