doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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