I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
