I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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