none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
