Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
