i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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