So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
