No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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