i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
