Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
