we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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