can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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