she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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