He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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