i permit you to call me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
