Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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