she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
