That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
