Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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