hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
