She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
