He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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