My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
