haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I love having hate sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
