you traded sex for a burrito?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
