i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
