not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
